You are viewing suicideaddict


Good night every one

11/6/06 02:16 pm - Carles Update

I am a suicide addict.

6/1/06 04:24 am - GOING CORPORATE

I am corporate America

Have you gone corporate?
The two greatest things you can be are the following:
1) Corporate
2) An American




Wake up every morning.
Ask yourself:
Am I corporate enough?
-What can I do to be a little bit more corporate?
-How will I sell out today?
Am I American enough?
-Do I love America?
-Is America embedded in my heart chip?






Post-Corporate (Vital Cog in Machine) + Post-American (Outerspace Dweller):

Should Have Been Corporate:

I look back on my life, and I think about people entering it--people leaving it.
Did I do something wrong? Is something wrong with me? Is Something wrong with them?
Did I actively make a decision to change? Did something change me?

Here are the answers:
Did you do something wrong?
No. Not if you found a way to be more corporate. You did nothing wrong.
Is something wrong with me?
No. Most of your role models are corporate. There is nothing wrong with going corporate.
Is something wrong with them?
There is a good chance that other people are not on the same page as corporate America. You should talk to them about the direction of society, and confront assimilation issues (especially with minorities simulating a falsely interpreted American experience).
Did I actively make a decision to change?
Yes and No. Every one wants to be corporate. You actively made the decision to pursue a better life.
Did something change me?
Yes. The American Spirit is strong, especially to people ages 8-59 living in sub and non-sub- urban areas. Americans should want to go corporate.

Corporate Environmentalist Simulated American:


Ohhh that kind of Corporate:




The United States of America will win the World Cup. Corporate America has me believing.

Who Am I If I Don't believe?





I love my country.

Bad for America (1960s):









We have a goal. Here is the gameplan:

No matter how many documentaries are made,
it is important that we all recognize that this is for the best.
This is our way of life.
Other people will eventually deserve it when ours gets better.


Please take some time to look into all of their faces and see yourself. You are an American.
I am an American.

Corporate America.

3/13/06 12:49 am - The RENEWAL PLAN

Hear my new band: THE RENEWAL PLAN

Official Website:
Leaked song at:

THE MODERN MAN EP will be released on March 18, 2006.

2/7/06 03:18 am - It's been a _______ semester so far!

Hey Guys! It's me, ________! I hope you are having a ______ day.

Anyways, I thought I would recap my semester for you so far. It's been reaaallllllly ______. It reminds me a lot of that time I had to go to ________. That definitely ________ed.

It's been great to hang out with _____ people. They really make me feel like a ______ person. I am pretty sure they ______ me. But what can I expect? I am generally a very ______ person.

Some of my favourite new people of this semester include _______ _______, _______, _______, and DEEEFFFFINITELY _________. (He/She) is incredibly __________. We are able to talk about things like _______, but still keep the conversation ________.

I usually eat a _______ ________ at the __________ every day. Along with my favourite soda, _____________. I like running into my friends __________ and __________ at the Bubble. They are great. The _____ also has a great atmosphere. It feels like I am in a ________, instead of just a _________.

My dorm room is verrrry _______. Even though it doesn't have a _________, or even a fully functional _________, I have realized that I just have to ____________. My life will definitely be ________ once my _________ are installed.

Thanks for the light, ______. It definitely makes my room very _______. _____ ya!

Tomorrow we are having a _________ dinner on our floor. Maybe you should come and eat. My RA said that she was on a budget, so she bought the ______ instead of the _______. Definitely the _______ decision.

My classes are overwhelmingly _________. I never thought I would feel so ________ about them. Being a _________ major was a _________ decision. My favourite teacher is definitely my _________ teacher. One time in class, she _________ed. Every one felt really _______ for her. It was so __________.

I spend a lot of time at the __________. It's so ________ in there. Sometimes my friend _________ and I just go in there and _______ for hours. It is all in all a very _________ process.

I recently watched a video. It is very ______. You can view it here.
It is definitely very _______. I watched it _ times. Does that make me a ________? I mean, my friend _______ definitely watched it atleast _ more times than me. I'll bet you watched it more than _ times.

Emotionally, I am more _______ than I have ever been in my life. The time I spent in _________ was great, and the time here is even more _________. Fortunately, I am not one to have many _______. I definitely miss ________ and _______, though. They were the _______.

Has any one heard of _______? They have a great sound. It sounds a lot like ________. I have been watching pretty much every episode of _________. It is really addicting. I definitely own Season _ on DVD.

This weekend should be good. On Friday, I will probably end up going to _________ with _______, _______, ________, and ________. Maybe even _______ and _______ will come. It will definitely be better than last Friday. ________ couldn't even take it! He ended up buying some ________s at a vending machine and going home.

Sunday is also my first _________ ________. I hope we are able to ___.

I can't belive the _______s _____ed the Super Bowl. The ________ were definitely the better team. It's good that ___ has a plan.

Does any one ever want to _______ sometime? I think it would be a lot of _____.
Has any one talked to ______ lately? I hope _______ is alright. I heard they ended up _________.
Can you believe _____ lived on a cruise ship? That's soooo _________.

I hope my camera _______ is at home. I really need to _____ some pictures. Does any one have a ____ camera cord? I might just have to buy a new one. It is only $_.__.

I think this is it for me. I have to go and finish my _________ work. It requires a lot of ________. I am such a ________ when it comes to actually ________ing. Maybe I'll change one day. I hope I become a better __________, but there probably isn't really any incentive.

Anyways, you better not be an ___ _____ and fill in the ______s. You should probably just comment about the video. I think it pretty much stands for my ________ and your _________.

I miss my ___. I also miss my _____. I don't miss ____, but I do kind of miss ____. Is it fair if I miss ______? I mean, it is all just the ______. What makes it so _______ anyways? Does this make me a _______ person? Do you think ____ of me? I wish we didn't live in such a _____ society. We need more _______ people in this world. People like _______.

I really need to ______.

1/3/06 02:53 am - Play

I made an A in my Class.
Here is my final project:

Scott's America

Act 1 'The Dry Cleaners'

Scott is sitting alone at the kitchen table

Enter Frank

Frank: Did you end up going out to breakfast today?
Scott: I just stayed home. Jill made it for me.
Frank: What did she make? Bacon and eggs?
Scott: Does she know how to make anything else?
Frank: No. But I thought today might be different.
Scott: Why would you think that, Frank? Every day is the same. She makes eggs and bacon every day. I go to work. I come home and we go out to Chili's where I get an Old Timer with Cheese.
Frank: Well that's nobody's fault but your own. You could stop that if you wanted to. You really could, Scott. Nobody told you to get married.
Scott: Jill's great and everything, but I just don't know any more. She spends a lot of time on the computer in the den. Looking at message boards, chatting with people she's never even met, writing emails to God knows who.
Frank: Well do you ever look in the browser's history? I'm sure you could get a good idea of what she does when you do look.
Scott: There was this one time that she left the computer on when she went to the grocery store. I saw a chat window open with the words " I love you." The other person was from New Hampshire.
Frank: How do you know that?
Scott: I don't. I just know that she is planning a trip to New Hampshire soon, so I figure she is going to meet that guy.
Frank: You don't know that for sure. Scotty, her mom lives in New Hampshire.
Scott: Her mom has been dead for a year and a half.
Frank: Oh. (pause) Well, what are you goin to do about it?
Scott: I am thinking that I will hire some one to follow her.
Frank: Who is going to do that?
Scott: I looked in the phonebook, and there are people who are more than willing to do so.
Frank: When is she leaving?
Scott: The 23rd.
Frank: Til when?
Scott: The 25th.
Frank: I'm free those days.
Scott: I can't pay you until the 30th. I bought a 40 inch monitor for my computer earlier this month.
Frank: You already told me about that.
Scott: Well I was talking about your pay.

(Enter Jill)

Jill: Hey Frank! Long time no see!
Frank: Hey Jillers, how are you?
Jill: Great. I just got back from the travel agent. I am going to New Hampshire.
Frank: What is in New Hampshire?
Jill: I kind of just want to visit before it gets big. They are deregulating casino there, so I figure I should go before the boom.
Frank: I didn't know there were Native Americans in New Hampshire.
Jill: These ones are run by whites, actually. Honest Casinos.
Scott: Honey there's some left over ham in the fridge.
Jill: Thanks. Anyways, Frank... How is your wife?
Frank: The ham is great. It isn't from the Honeybaked Ham Co., but it still has a great honey glaze on it.
Scott: Jill, is it an official Honey Baked Ham?
Jill: That's a shame. Why'd you guys seperate?
Frank: Well, we just had a lot of financial differences.
Jill: Did you get along?
Frank: No.
(exit Scott to kitchen)
Jill: Honestly Frank. How did you make it so many years?
Frank: It was only five years.
Jill: Well that is still an accomplishment... atleast from my point of view.
Frank: The hardest part was definitely taking part, not letting go.
Jill: I heard a song that says otherwise.
(Enter Scott with Ham)
Scott: Honey, is the ham honey baked?
Jill: I had to wait in line for 2 hours for it. There were so many old people there.
Frank: That's why I try to avoid catered holiday meals.
Scott: Jill doesn't know how to cook.
Jill: There is no one to cook for.
Scott: What about me?
Jill: I want to be a mother.
Frank: I should really get going now. I have to--
Scott: Who is the man in New Hampshire?
Jill: There are lots of men in New Hampshire.
Scott: Just tell me. Please.
Frank: I gotta go to the dry cleaners.
Jill: I think it is definitely worth it, especially if you have a coupon.
Scott: You are lazy and selfish.
Jill: I need to thaw out the other half of the ham in the freezer.
(Dim lights and Jill and Frank freeze)
Scott: (to audience) My name's Scott. I'm an American guy with big dreams. I think about things like girls, sports, and cars. Who am I? My name's Scott. I'm trapped here with Jill. I eat a lot of Freschetta pizzas and drink Miller Lite. My fave author is Salinger and I was born in Boulder, CO. I met Jill in college. We were Psych Majors. But now, we don't work and collect unemployment. I make a little bit of money on the side selling candy bars bought at Costco to middle schoolers. Makes great money, especially after the new initiatives to make school food options healthier. I'm a nice guy with a dream. This is my America.

11/14/05 01:03 am - Things have been soso over here.

I saw Elizabethtown. Definitely the best movie I've seen in a while. I think I'll probably relate to it even more in 5 years. Can't wait to give it a re-watch on my new iPod video.

I am not looking forward to going back to Tulane, except to see Jenny. She's the best. I miss hugging her for hours. I remember one day we ended up driving all the way to the Florida panhandle. Crazy, crazy day. Ended up staying at a HoJo and got sick from the tenders we ordered via room service.

'I will be there for you, until the day I die. ' - Jenny.

Well, things have been going great in Austin. I had a hamburger today with the Kacer. Sarah Lacy came over to my apartment to give me back my iPod cord. Turns out that she has a UTI. I gave her a few gallons of cranberry juice. I'm probably one of the most giving people that you will ever meet. She's a great girl. Love her to death.

Kevin Yeh and I sat around and talked today. It's great to open up to some one. I think things are perfect when soul meets body, and then that product meets mind. Atleast that's what Jenny used to always say about laughing at tragedy or crying about something else or something. I'm not quite sure.

Catie A. never calls me. She's changed.

Can you believe that Tulane is actually doing that cruise ship thing? Check out the blue print at

Does any one know what Ted Hall has been up to? He never returns my phone calls. I was in Dallas today to watch the MLS Championship game with Kace. It was pretty fun. Soccer specific stadiums are perfect for United States soccer. I can't wait til we win a World Cup. I will throw a brick through a car windshield of downtown New Orleans, as I take the Langy semester.

Megan L. has disappeared from the face of the earth. I talked to her a few times this summer, but now she is probably busy with a new BF in New York.

Nicole Heigh has also let me down. Sometimes I just expect from people, then they let me down even though it's not a big deal. I just wanted her to go to a soccer game between the US and Scotland. Right now she is in Scotland. It would have meant a lot to me if she had gone, but she didn't. She said it was too much money. She also said "I don't have an Old Navy flag t-shirt."
Sometimes I miss her, but I know she is doing what is best for us. Nico: If you are reading this, I love you and I'm sorry about our past. You deserve to be happy and I hope we can work this out. Have fun in Oslo this weekend.

Kunal is in my fantasy league. His team is putting up some great numbers. I see him having a big season after he makes a trade to enhance his team. Definitely a great pick up of Jason Kidd.

Has any one been watching the Spurs? I love Tim Duncan. He's definitely my fave. Jenny loves the Pandas. She had the opportunity to hang out with a few of the New York Knicks, but she declined, since they weren't champions.

I am glad Proposition 2 didn't pass. Gay people generally don't deserve anything more than me, just because I am straight. Am I wrong?
Voting is just a pain in the ass, anyways. I mean, who actually counts votes! Right? Definitely not the people working the booth. If they had a real job, they would probably be doing that instead of telling me to take off my 'God Abhors You' button that Kevin Yeh gave me.
It's just important that old people look out for themselves. Young people treat them poorly in most places like retail outlets, food stores and restaurants. Especially while driving. It's good that they are able to conserve power when it comes to politics.

I heard Kunal's stuff is fine. Phew.

Well, I can't wait to be back at Tulane. I also miss: Maureen Iverson, Jenna Leslie, Mirell from Estonia, Greg Barton, Patrick Kat, and Kyle "Jesus" Louie. I do not miss: Will Mc and Megan "bad friend" Lubaszka. Right now they are basically the same person to me. Except Megan probably couldn't organize a bad ass senior prom.

Sarah Belt is doing great, too. She finally cut the umbellical cord that fed JEN Sanchez. Itwas about time. Jen is a bad person, and doesn't do anything positive for any one. all she really does is talk shit about posicore, and that's def not the kind of person you want in your life. I applaud Sarah Belt.

I went to a party with Ann and Nedra this weekend. Those are some crazy girls. I had never really hung out with a black girl like Nedra, but she is totally bomb assed, so it all worked out. Overall, Ann threw a great, great party, and pretty much all of Austin was there. We listened to that Saves the Day song about becoming Fireflies.

Bridget and I listened to Hey Mercedes with Matt J. Sarah came in late. Vagrant is alive and well in the hearts of many college students.

Leslie Stinson is also in good spirits, too. She is about to hit her peak years. Unfortunately, she had an intense Friday night so Saturday night was more calm. I'm proud of her for knowing when to say when.

Well I better go finish my business proposal. This is goin to be a good one. I love drinking bottled water. Any one else?

'Yeah, I'll burn for you tonight.'


10/20/05 02:11 pm - Austin TX

Lately, I've been on a quest for self-awareness. My friends are helping me out. They know to give me space, but at the same time, they send me letters, encouraging me to find myself.

Thanks guys.

New Orleans is going to be great if I go back. It's a shame that Nico won't be there. It will probably be the best semester yet. She was going to come back, but she gave up her RA-ship in Butler.

I got a new iPod Nano.
Here is a picture of it.

I think it is probably the best iPod yet. I accidentally threw it away once. I love it and I already loaded all of my Belle and Sebastian CDs on it. I love Scott-rock, especially since Nico is there.

I finally got her autograph.

I'm having a party soon. It is in San Antonio, though. It is on halloween. Read more about it at eye_spy_ava

Haven't heard from Kunal and Ted in a while.... Hope they are doing well.
Where is Megan? Last I heard she was hanging out with whatsherface in Chelsea.

I miss the Jenny Panda. We used to sit in Bruff for hours and hours, talking about the modernization of the prison system. I'd make her sandwiches, and she'd always offer to get me soup. (She knew I loved chicken noodle). That's really all I could ask her for.

Does any one know how to make a good bagel pizza? SHould I use oven, microwave, toaster oven? Ted told me that Subway has pizza now?!? That's ridiculous! I might as well eat my own vomit! HAhahaha

Anyways, I got As on all of my tests. Hard work pays off. No longer will I make excuses about this, or that. It is time to get my act together. I want to be free.

I miss Ted's laugh.

Could people comment on 'What is intimacy?' I've been thinking a lot about it lately.

Last night KevYeh and I went to see a sneak preview of 'The Producers.' Really, really amazing.

Laura is going to come and visit me soon. I miss her. We used to hang out in the Big Easy Cafe. She will sleep on the futon, in the living room. Luckily, she likes to fall asleep watching the television. (Her guilty pleasure is Animal Planet). I only got to hang out with Megan once at the Big EZ. Unfortunately, Will Mc was there...and he ruined eeevery thing at Tulane! Glad he's gone!

I feel so empty. Who am I? What am I doing with my life?

My friend Mirell was in a fight. I really hope she won. She deserves it. She gave me the Employee discount last time I was at Urban Outties.

I heard Maureen Iverson coloured her hair. It looks great. She looks just like that one Disney character(pre-Toy Story Disney).

Sarah Belt is going to visit A Hawf soon. I will send him a care package with his favourites: Twizzlers Pull and Peels + Hummus.

Sarah Lacy lives in my apartment complex. We share a wireless internet network. I hope she isn't still downloading independent music. It really eats up our bandwith. Yesterday, I saw a man hit by a car. He was on his bike. An old lady hit him.

I don't know how it happened. Austin is probably one of the most bike-friendly cities in the U.S.

Here is a copy of my report card:

Elizabeth Jones changed her name to Elo.

I went to a pizza buffet place last night with Casey Bowen and Tomoko. Unfortunately, I only had a slice. Definitely did not get my money's worth. I think that has a lot to do with life...
Needless to say...I left the ranch dressing on the salad.

Tiffany is living in NEw York right now. I wonder if David is still visiting her. I miss him. He has a great laugh.

It's unfortunate that Jenn Sanchez's house was totalled. Fortunately, her webserver wasn't based at home. is alive and well. I'm glad that she isn't afraid of the whole dot-com bust, and went ahead and purchased one.

Does any one shop on ebay? Is that safe? I don't really like to shop on the internet.

Why is President Bush's approval rating so low? We rallied around him after 9-11. Katrina > 9-11. He should have more support.

I'm definitely picking the White Sox in 5 in the World Series. I can't wait to watch it with my friends (Virginia and Kevin Valentine), who are from Houston. They are definitely rooting for the Stros.

I miss Liz E. She left without saying good bye.

I'm probably going to invest in Dasani soon. They have great new bottles.

There is also the option of a new company in Canada. I think it has something to do with oil. There is more oil in Canada than in the MIddle East. That is a little known secret. It is located on an Inuit reservation, so we will not see the oil until they are forced North.

Katrina is a great opportunity.

I can't wait til that happens. It takes me about $55 to fill up my new car. Look for me in an Orange Honda Element.
Apparently, if we stop wanting gas, the price will go down. I just don't ever see that happening.

My friend's little brother is thinking seriously about buying a hybrid. I don't think it is worth it.

I miss Tomoko.

I don't think I've ever been happier. Life is worth it. I think we should just try really hard to make people's lives' better. That's all we can do. Or atleast that's what my best friend says.

I am afraid of the day that I can't wake up and smile.

The Jonah Factor

10/3/05 12:27 pm - 'Life.'

Life is really bad right now.

Lotta stuff to do. I just want to drink rubbing alcohol and forget about it all.
Two shots of Listerine=One shot of vodka. -KevYeh
I huffed gasoline the other day. I passed out in my living room. It still smells like gas I hope I don't lose my security deposit.

I miss Megan. We used to have the best phone conversations.

I heard Nicole Heigh doesn't want to come back to Tulane.
I don't have internet at my apartment. I have to update from the public library.

This picture always reminds me of Megan.

Here is a picture of my favourite girl, Ava, before she became what makes us love her:

I hope she enjoyed New York. I know that I can't be happy, so I figure I should just try to hope that Ava is happy, and read about it in her LJ, and feel through her and maybe I can meet her one day in NYC.

Here is a picture of Ava in her new city, NYC:

I am in the mood for my favourite movie: '12 Angry Men.' I love Jimmy Stewart. My friend Kunal does a killer Jimmy Stewart impression.
Megan always brings up the poems he used to read on the Johnny Carson show. She watched a lot of TV as a kid.

Who likes TNBC? I know I do. We should get together and watch Anthony Anderson in 'Hang Time.' Megan prefers 'City Guys' but she did find the female character on the boy's varsity team on Hang Time almost as inspiring as Mike Piazza.
She played softball.

I wonder what Ava is doing right now... I miss her.

Here she is again:

but I think this one is one of my favourites:

I want a new car. I wish I had left mine in New Orleans. Every one is getting a new car. This isn't fair. I want an Alicia. I want a soundsystem, too, but if it had 4 zones, one would have to be in the bathroom. I want 4 or more zones. Kunal says you can make iTunes play wirelessly. I don't believe him, but as Ted always says:
'Never underestimate the power of the iPod.'

I think he is right. They are smaller and smaller. MY friend's brother just bought a Nano, but he broke it while on a jog.
I'm worried about Lanneau. I think he is developing an anti-Latino mindset, but every one says they saw it coming. Maybe I didn't. I just don't see anything coming these days.
Thanks for the memories.

I have to pay some bills. I need a VCR.

-Carles Von Carlos

9/26/05 12:17 am - 'Sunday Morning' -Maroon 5

Had pizza for lunch. Good shit.
Freschetta tastes exactly like Pizza Hut.

I miss Megan.

Wondering where Adam is. He is awesome.
One of the best guys I've met.

Megan is coming in 29 days. YAY!
Kind of miss Salkin, but I understand some people have to do what they have to do.

University of Texas has been good to me. Nice people. Classes are alright, but definitely no Tulane.

I was day-dreaming about my future. I think I'll probably go on a trip somewhere in the Spring. By then I'll be 21. That will definitely be a good time.

What would I be doing if I were in New Orleans? Probably making a movie with Adam. He's awesome. Sitting at PJ's with Megan. Going to the Zoo with Megan. Doing the walk of shame with David. Miss them.

Needless to say, I am tired. I went on a 10 mile run today. I lost myself. I basically kept pace with a Honda Accord which happened to stay on the same road as me. Very awesome.

Went to San antonio this weekend. Saw Mom. Saw other family. They were from Houston. (evacuated) All very happy to see me. Went to Chili's. Had hamburger. Tasty. Got some ranch on the side for my fries. Wonder if they charged us for it.
Tried to go to a party. Lame. Left. While there, met some Houston evacuees. Or 'displaced neighbors.' Nice people, but not my type. They were no Megan Lubaszka.

Tried to hang self in closet. Apartment is lonely. Kind of miss Adam and Megan. Haven't talked to them in about a week though. Wonder how they are. Gonna try to go up to Minnesota in 2 weekends. Hope to make stops in Greenville, Columbia, and possibly Connecticut. (to see Jen)

Nicole is in Scotland. HAven't talked to her much, but hope she likes it. Definitely deserves the best--she is an awesome girl.
Missing Tulane.

Got gas today. High prices, even for regular unleaded. WEnt in to get candy bar, told cashier was from New Orleans and he gave me a box full of Paydays. If you are in the Austin area, I have a box of Paydays.

Going to visit awesome family soon.

Megan is so awesome.

8/28/05 09:55 pm - Katrina


Image hosted by

Image hosted by
Powered by